The End of 2011

Wow, this year has definitely been an experience for me. It has allowed me to learn some very interesting things, discover more about my Creator and fall more deeply in love with Him, as well as learning how to navigate through this journey called life.

I learned a very difficult lesson in trust and faith in the Lord when I wasn't sure what school I was going to in the fall, and He worked it all out! He provided a transfer application 2 months after the process had closed and people had already been accepted. I was accepted after a few weeks of waiting and wondering. Then the Lord provided finances where there were NONE to be had, from random places, in JUST the amount needed. God is so good to me.

My relationship with Him this year has grown, and I'm sad to say it has also grown more comfortable. Living at school, away from my family and friends, has tested me and forced me to rely on my closest Friend and Family. Living in a Christian environment has really caused me to become almost complacent. Our relationship has been so easy this semester, kinda like living with my sisters...we get along well, talk often, love each other, but there's no active "getting to know each other". Not that every moment of every day has to be a sort of honeymoon stage with the Lord, it's good to have these times of calm. It's just that I miss the passionate romance stage as well.

That's my goal for 2012. A simple one, it's true. I don't ever really do New Years resolutions or anything, because I'm afraid of breaking them haha, but I really do want to accomplish something in my relationship with Jesus this next year. I want there to be a constant growth. He already is my best friend, but I want to perpetually be keeping in my mind the fact that He is also the Lover of my soul. I just want to fall deeper in love with Him each and every day. I want His Word to be the highlight of my day, the reason I wake up. I'm worried though that this new semester will be much tougher on me as well, and I don't want to just be running to Him because I'm in a time of difficulty. I want this active relationship to be the center of my life. I'm so excited for this New Year! :D

Happy New Year 2012! May you also draw nearer to the Creator of the universe, the Alpha and the Omega, the Author of your life, the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Almighty and Everlasting Father! May your relationship with Him be new and renewed every day of this year! God bless!

Willing Slavery

Why do we willingly enslave ourselves?

I’ve been noticing often that the more I take on, the more trapped I feel. The closer to people you get, the more in bondage you are to their desires and whims. Not that there’s anything wrong with that necessarily. It’s just taxing. I don’t *hate* when people ask me to do things…but after doing things for them for so long, they begin to expect those things. THAT is what I hate. The feeling of being at another person’s beck and call.

However, I think it’s the same with everything we invest our time in. The more time I spend on my computer, the more often I feel the drive to check Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. The longer I play soccer, volleyball, or go mountain biking, surfing, or snowboarding, the more addicted I feel. The more Chipotle I eat, the less control I have over where I decide to go to lunch (Thanks Steph!). Too much of any good thing can become a bad thing. I suppose it’s just human nature to become addicted to things.

Today someone presented me with an interesting concept. He offered me $50 to write a 3-page paper for school. I said no because it was cheating and I didn’t feel comfortable doing that for him. He said “How about for $100?” I refused. He literally kept going until he hit $2,750.00. I just kept laughing and saying that he couldn’t buy my morals. Then he said something which seemed like a revolutionary idea to me, but something we all intuitively know: “Everyone has a price.” He didn’t even know how right he really was. What he didn’t know, is that I’ve already been bought.

1 Corinthians 7:23 says “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.” (And I believe 1 Corinthians 6:20 also touches on it briefly…stating that BECAUSE we were bought at a price, we should glorify God with our body and spirit. Amen!) SO true! Jesus has set me free, yet I constantly, and willingly, subject myself to the frivolous and temporary passions of this world. At NO COST! Sure, I can’t be bought monetarily, but I shouldn’t have to be. I’ve already been bought by the blood of Christ. If I could just remember this all the time, I think I’d spend my time, thoughts, resources, and space much more wisely. Why subject yourself to willing slavery if you don’t have to?

The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis

Okay, I just read "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis, and my mind was completely blown. Not only does Lewis masterfully engage the reader with his insightful perspective, but he also does it in a common sensical way that allows the reader to relate with what he's talking about.

I've always thought of him as a sort of modern day Paul the Apostle. He's definitely a pillar of the modern day Christian's life. God has used this man tremendously. I wish I could have had the opportunity to meet such a man while he was still alive.

He begins the small book by talking about the four different types of love: Storge, Phileo, Eros, and Agape. He explains how all the loves are unique and not necessarily love itself, but an outward exemplification of love.

He shares about Storge; familial love, or affection. He talks about how this love is bred between family members, a mother and a child, etc.

Next he moves onto Phileo; the love between friends. Like David and Jonathan in the Bible. It talks about close friends, not just acquaintances, who upon being reunited after several years, still share the same deep bond of binding friendship. He makes the distinction between sharing something in common with people whom one normally affiliate with in one's natural environment, and a friend who's death you would mourn for the rest of your life. I also found it interesting, that some people can go their entire life without truly experiencing this type of love. A person doe not need it to survive. Fascinating. Lewis describes this love in an interesting way. It was a truly deep, and spot on way of explaining what it is to be a real friend.

Then Eros; the romantic love between a man and a woman. In this chapter, Lewis states that this love differs exponentially from it's counterfeit opposite "Venus", or sexuality. Eros is the desire for the person them-self, not the pleasure that person could potentially give. It's the knowledge and acceptance that this one person is the one that you want, not for what they can give you, or you them, but for who they are, and how they are unlike anyone else in the entire world. It was a beautiful literary depiction.

And lastly, Agape; the love of God. Lewis leaves the reader in awe through his examination of the depth of the love of God and how it is unlike any other on the planet. People will spend years upon years searching for such a love, but deny to themselves and others their absolutely desperate dependancy on it, and their search for it. It's the only love that everyone in the world NEEDS. I just loved hearing the explanation of this love and God's heart for the world. The Lord seriously spoke through Lewis in the writing of this book, and I for one, thoroughly enjoyed walking alongside him in the journey through this small epistle on the different types of love.

There's a VERY brief overview...but just suffice it to say, I REALLY loved the book, and will be reading it often. It's always a good reminder of who we are in Christ and how love is SUPPOSED to be, how we're supposed to love. Incredible, just simply incredible.

I liked hipsters before it

was cool to be hipster,

which makes me

hipster. Now that

everyone wants to be a hipster, I

don’t like hipsters very much…but

this still makes me very much

hipster, doesn’t it now? Dilemma…

Psalm 139:1-18

¹ O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
² You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
³ You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
⁵ You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

⁷ Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
⁸ If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰ Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall^[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
¹² Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

Le Nozze di Figaro

College has really done a lot for me. This semester has been one of the craziest but I've never enjoyed school more. In Music Appreciation this week, we've been studying Mozart's opera "Le Nozze di Figaro" and it made me ask this one question: "Where has this passion for love gone?" Not necessarily the passion for a romantic love, but rather, love for other people in general?

We've become such a selfish society. It really is sad.

Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone loved other people with a love so strong that it was all anyone could think about? A love so powerful that it superseded your love for yourself. A love that abandons one's own life for that of another. A love so deep that you spoke of it all the time. To anyone that would listen.

John 15:13 

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Here it is, in all it's glory: Cherubino's Aria

I no longer know what I am or what I'm doing, 

Now I'm burning, now I'm made of ice ... 

Every woman makes me change colour, 

Every woman makes me tremble. 

At the very word love or beloved

My heart leaps and pounds, 

And to speak of it fills me 

With a longing I can't explain! 

I speak of love when I'm awake, 

I speak of it in my dreams, 

To the stream, the shade, the mountains, 

To the flowers, the grass, the fountains, 

To the echo, the air, the breezes, 

Which carry away with them 

The sound of my fond words ... 

And if I've none to hear me 

I speak of love to myself. 

Nostalgia

Its that time of year again!

Back to school!

You know when you've hit it because Staples has everything on sale. Target starts advertising "back to school clothes"...in July. Kids start getting loopy and giddy with joy over back to school shopping. Summer romances start coming to a winding halt. People begin to *try* making a crazy summer pattern into a schedule of normality. The vacations begin to end and you see familiar faces more often than not.

And that's when it hit me. SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER! Oh, the agony...the absolute defeat. The pessimist in me assumes an attitude. Summer isn't over until I say it is! Why, I didn't get to do half of the things I wanted to this summer!

Well, school started yesterday...and there was nothing I could do to stop it. So, I decided to sit in a corner and pout.

.......

....Okay, so I didn't do that.

But I wanted to.

Oh, how I wanted to!

However, despite my absolute reluctance to admit that summer was over, I began to think back to last year. I don't know why I go through this every year. The whole "I wish summer would last forever but when's school gonna start?" thing. I had a great time at school last year! Meeting new friends, learning new things, fighting tooth and nail for a parking spot (that was rightfully MINE!), and staying up until 4am to finish homework!

*sigh*

Webster defines nostalgia as: "A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past." I'm still so torn! This week has been tough, but exciting! I'm anxious to see what the outcome is! I'm taking 15 units and working...so we'll see how it goes.

Things I'm really going to miss:

Surfing

Sleeping in

Staying up late

And that's about it

*points up* Oh, look...I made a pyramid. 

Enough with the ADHD.

I miss the time when life was simple. When all you had to worry about was what kind of sandwich mom was making for lunch and who you were going to sit next to in class. Now I'm worrying about financial aid and whether or not I have my fees paid, my classes added, and the correct add codes for each class.

Oh, to be 6 again...